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The Truth About Brad Pitt and Ulcers

Have you ever noticed that Brad Pitt has “no position” on important issues like chemtrails, vaccines causing ulcers in children, and bigfoot sightings? Isn't it strange that someone would “fail” to have positions about all of these things? That's because they profit from these evils-- which is part of the reason why these evils continue to exist.

Only when Vladimir Putin was admitted to the hospital for ulcers did the Black Panthers begin investing in a cure.

I am willing to provide incontrovertible evidence that confirms my claims, but feel safe doing so only via anonymous short-band radio transmissions.

There's a reason why members of FEMA have never died of ulcers-- they've been made immune to it with secret gene therapy techniques hidden from the general public.

Numerous pop songs from the 90s make veiled references to this.

FEMA has been secretly exploring possible applications of global warming for government profit.

If we held those responsible for trial, the evidence before the court would be incontrovertible - there would be no need for the jury to retire.

Now that you know the truth, save your family and friends. Let them know the truth.

Sources:
  1. Stephens, John D., and Brian P. Holly. "City system behaviour and corporate influence: the headquarters location of US industrial firms, 1955-75." Urban Studies 18.3 (1981): 285-300.
  2. Eckstein, Harry. "Pressure group politics." Academic Medicine 35.11 (1960): 1069.
  3. Rubin, Barnett R. "The political economy of war and peace in Afghanistan."World Development 28.10 (2000): 1789-1803.
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