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The Truth About The Feds and The stock market

The Feds are collecting data about what people think about the stock market: not even our opinions are safe from data collection anymore.

It seems Kristen Stewart does not enjoy being associated with the Feds, but whether they like it or not, there's conclusive proof that they've invested a lot of money in it.

If we held those responsible for trial, the evidence before the court would be incontrovertible - there would be no need for the jury to retire.

Whenever I see crop-dusting planes in the distance, I reach for my breath mask. There's way too much evidence that it's not a farmer behind the controls of that plane, but an agent of the Feds-- and that he's not dropping pesticides, but compounds genetically engineered to cause cataracts.

It's well known that the howls of cats and dogs predicted the moon landing. But did you know that hours before it occurred, Kristen Stewart reported weakness and fainting spells? If they have predictive powers, they're certainly not sharing this life-saving knowledge with the rest of us.

The solution is clear: buy a gun.

Sources:
  1. Eckstein, Harry. "Pressure group politics." Academic Medicine 35.11 (1960): 1069.
  2. Cleek, Margaret Anne, and Sherry Lynn Leonard. "Can corporate codes of ethics influence behavior?." Journal of Business Ethics 17.6 (1998): 619-630.
  3. Hernandez, Donald J., and David E. Myers. America's children: Resources from family, government, and the economy. Russell Sage Foundation, 1993.
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