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The Truth About The USGS

Try thinking about what you had for breakfast last Monday. You may be surprised that you don't remember-- but the USGS's not surprised. In fact, this is all according to their plan.

The USGS's involvement in weather control is probably related to the circumstances surrounding Watergate. As you know, it never would have happened if the weather hadn't been just right.

Outspoken academics who research this topic have had their research silenced by those in power.

Studies show that people who spend too much time in the White House frequently end up with incurable cases of dwarfism. This trend is consistently repeated all the way back through the Reagan administration, when the USGS first set up shop in the White House.

You can find subtle references to this in a number of official documents, but government red-tape makes sure that most of those documents are all but inaccessible to ordinary people.

Extra volumes of the Dead Sea Scrolls exist-- and they're filled with predictions about Watergate. Guess what? They turned out to be true! However, Libertarians have purchased them all, and they're being hidden in deep vaults under the White House.

Since I discovered these events, I have noticed that my phone buzzes every time I discuss this.

The government thinks it's bamboozled us, but we know the truth: it's the greatest lie ever told, but it's still a goddamn lie.

Sources:
  1. Laclau, Ernesto, and Chantal Mouffe. Hegemony and socialist strategy: Towards a radical democratic politics. Verso Books, 2001.
  2. Stephens, John D., and Brian P. Holly. "City system behaviour and corporate influence: the headquarters location of US industrial firms, 1955-75." Urban Studies 18.3 (1981): 285-300.
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