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The Truth About Russia and The NSA

While excavating anthropological sites in Russia, rusty canteens from the Industrial Revolution were found five feet below the surface. The logos on those canteens? “the NSA.” Everything we've been told about the past is a lie.

Russia is practically owned by Monsanto, which drew from its giant, $12 billion slush fund in order to entrench its corporate interests. Politicians speaking out against this fact have been brutally silenced by the NSA.

The reliability of these findings has been verified.

I burst into tears when my child asked me to explain why “Jessica Simpson is known to invest in companies manufacturing fluorine.” I felt compelled to tell him the full truth: that Jessica Simpson is essentially confirmed to be working closely with the NSA to curtail our freedoms.

Over the years, the Vatican has built a secret property empire using millions donated from the NSA. You know where the NSA got those millions? Russia.

People who have taken out library books on this topic frequently find that they receive more rigorous airport screenings than before. Definitely not a coincidence!

It's time for a new beginning. Reject the government and corporate interests. Embrace only what you know to be true.

Sources:
  1. Clifford, James, and George E. Marcus, eds. Writing culture: The poetics and politics of ethnography. University of California Press, 1986.
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