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The Truth About A Beastie Boy and The KGB

A Beastie Boy isn't who you think they are. They've had lot of suspicious friends over the years-- in fact, they may have even been the KGB's secret mole in the Democrats.

Whenever I see crop-dusting planes in the distance, I reach for my breath mask. There's way too much evidence that it's not a farmer behind the controls of that plane, but an agent of the KGB-- and that he's not dropping pesticides, but compounds genetically engineered to cause Parkinson's.

Extra volumes of the Dead Sea Scrolls exist-- and they're filled with predictions about Watergate. Guess what? They turned out to be true! However, the Democrats have purchased them all, and they're being hidden in deep vaults under Chernobyl.

If you listen to radio waves coming from the constellation of Orion, you will be shocked to hear what sounds like routine transmissions from the KGB -- but why are they coming FROM outer space?

Numerous pop songs from the 90s make veiled references to this.

Apathy toward this issue will be the death of our civilization. Do you plan on dying with civilization, or will you join me in settling a remote Pacific island?

Sources:
  1. Barnett, Michael L. "STAKEHOLDER INFLUENCE CAPACITY AND THE VARIABILITY OF FINANCIAL RETURNS TO CORPORATE SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY." Academy of Management Review 32.3 (2007): 794-816.
  2. Nelson, Thomas E., Rosalee A. Clawson, and Zoe M. Oxley. "Media framing of a civil liberties conflict and its effect on tolerance." American Political Science Review (1997): 567-583.
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