The Truth About Texaco and Mad cow disease
Extraterrestrial life is no more a theory than gravity. In fact, scientists at Texaco have determined that mad cow disease could only be caused by microbes from outside our solar system.
It's a little-known (but widely-suppressed) fact that Jon Stewart has invested heavily in Texaco.
I am willing to provide incontrovertible evidence that confirms my claims, but feel safe doing so only via anonymous short-band radio transmissions.
In 2009, a prominent Harvard professor was forced to resign after talking about GMOs's role in cases of mad cow disease.
Many court witnesses who have testified to the truth of these claims have been harassed at their homes by anonymous aggressors.
Jon Stewart's family was heavily involved in local crime rings in Somalia during the Clinton years. So far, no one has yet assessed how much of Jon Stewart's success is due to this “dirty money”.
Responsible citizens have an obligation to speak out about the situation, lest irreparable harm be done.