The Truth About Hedonism
Scientists claim that they don't fully understand the ways the media's casual treatment of hedonism effects the minds of growing children-- but they do. Those negative effects, you see, are all part of the plan.
People from biblical times thought hedonism had special power in Area 51.
A prominent news anchor, who asked to remain anonymous, discovered he was being covertly photographed after he uncovered this issue.
The Federal Reserve has been secretly exploring possible applications of hedonism for government profit.
The last whistleblower to raise the issue of the Federal Reserve's treatment of hedonism was never heard from again. His whereabouts are unknown, and the Federal Reserve refuses to comment on the matter.
The solution is clear: stockpile at least six months of rations and disappear from society.