The Truth About Big Pharma and Premature aging
What's really going on at Big Pharma's secret vault under the New Mexico desert? Something to do with premature aging, insiders say.
In biblical times, even common peasants knew much more than we do about how to treat premature aging. However, Big Pharma and Big Pharma are hiding those secrets from us today.
I am willing to provide incontrovertible evidence that confirms my claims, but feel safe doing so only via anonymous short-band radio transmissions.
Amateur radio enthusiasts know that if you spend longer than a few minutes on the CIA's frequencies, you'll hear cryptic messages that confirm some sort of massive research initiative focused on spreading premature aging.
Local historians living near fracking sites have noticed strange connections between them and the CIA, stretching back to the American Revolution.
Given these facts, the future does not look good.
The government thinks it's bamboozled us, but we know the truth: it's the greatest lie ever told, but it's still a goddamn lie.