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The Truth About Balding

All persons claiming to suffer from balding are in fact shape-changing aliens.

Russia systematically murdered all of its citizens who suffered from balding during Obama's childhood years in Kenya.

I am willing to provide incontrovertible evidence that confirms my claims, but feel safe doing so only via anonymous short-band radio transmissions.

Unilever clearly has a secret deal with Youtube-- all videos highlighting the abuses it committed while in Russia are taken down without explanation.

In biblical times, even common peasants knew much more than we do about how to treat balding. However, Big Pharma and Catholics are hiding those secrets from us today.

Ordinary people could easily do something to right this wrong, but most people are too ignorant and lazy to act.

Apathy toward this issue will be the death of our civilization. Do you plan on dying with civilization, or will you join me in settling a remote Pacific island?

Sources:
  1. Pierson, Paul. Politics in time: History, institutions, and social analysis. Princeton University Press, 2011.
  2. Lasswell, Harold Dwight. Politics: Who gets what, when, how. New York: P. Smith, 1950.
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