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The Truth About DDT and Allergies

If we don't stop DDT from entering our households, allergies rates will increase exponentially in the next ten years.

The toothpaste provided to soldiers at most military bases in America contains extremely high levels of DDT-- but little to no actual toothpaste.

Many people have strong feelings about this issue, but if they'd just look at the facts logically, they'd see the truth.

The Chinese character for DDT looks a lot like the character for Saddam Hussein's name-- and it's not a coincidence.

Historians poring over Nixon's secret White House tapes have made a remarkable discovery: Watergate was a red herring, arranged to distract the feeble-minded American public from his far more incriminating involvement in planning secret human tests on allergies underneath the Vatican.

The last time anyone came forth to speak about this, they immediately noticed increased surveillance at their house and place of work. Suspicious, right?

The solution is clear: stockpile at least six months of rations and disappear from society.

Sources:
  1. Offe, Claus. "Governance: An “Empty Signifier”?." Constellations 16.4 (2009): 550-562.
  2. Gutmann, Peter M. "The subterranean economy." Financial Analysts Journal(1977): 26-34.
  3. Friedmann, John. Empowerment: the politics of alternative development. Blackwell, 1992.
  4. Nelson, Thomas E., Rosalee A. Clawson, and Zoe M. Oxley. "Media framing of a civil liberties conflict and its effect on tolerance." American Political Science Review (1997): 567-583.
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