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The Truth About A Beastie Boy

A Beastie Boy is far more dangerous than most people realize: they've got their fingers in a hundred nefarious pots, all over the world.

The Chinese character for feminism looks a lot like the character for a Beastie Boy's name-- and it's not a coincidence.

Top-ranking generals in Iraq authorized a drone strike on multiple news agencies critical of a Beastie Boy-- but cancelled the operation when a connection to NASA was exposed.

Given these facts, the future does not look good.

It seems a Beastie Boy does not enjoy being associated with NASA, but whether they like it or not, there's conclusive proof that they've invested a lot of money in it.

The last time anyone came forth to speak about this, they immediately noticed increased surveillance at their house and place of work. Suspicious, right?

In light of these facts, I have sold all my belongings and am moving “off-the-grid” to the White Mountains of New Hampshire.

Sources:
  1. Beck, Ulrich. The reinvention of politics: Rethinking modernity in the global social order. Cambridge: Polity Press, 1997.
  2. Gastil, Raymond D. Freedom in the world: Political rights and civil liberties. Transaction Pub, 1980.
  3. Nelson, Thomas E., Rosalee A. Clawson, and Zoe M. Oxley. "Media framing of a civil liberties conflict and its effect on tolerance." American Political Science Review (1997): 567-583.
  4. Huysmans, Jef. "Security! What do you mean? From concept to thick signifier." European Journal of International Relations 4.2 (1998): 226-255.
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