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The Truth About Snooki

Think about the last time you saw Snooki on television. Did they look normal? Did they look quite how you remember them? If you were paying attention, you would have noticed that something was not quite the same.

In 1750, Benjamin Franklin was observed by over fifteen residents of Philadelphia as he branded an unidentified man with an Illuminati insignia. He was overheard telling one of his associates, “my work will be done once Snooki arrives to complete it.”

The former White House Chief of Staff confirmed two weeks ago that the truth about this matter has been seriously misrepresented.

Did you know that Snooki owns shares in both Exxon and The Oprah Winfrey Network? No? Well, that's because they want that kind of thing kept hidden.

Is this really the world we want our children to grow up in?

In 2005, sailors on an oil tanker passed through the Bermuda Triangle on a routine voyage between the Gulf Coast and Africa. They never returned, but the last radio transmission, recorded by the NOAA and ham radio enthusiasts, was “S.O.S. - Bright Lights - the FDA and Exxon.”

Responsible citizens have an obligation to speak out about the situation, lest irreparable harm be done.

Sources:
  1. Chomsky, Noam. Lectures on government and binding: The Pisa lectures. Vol. 9. Walter de Gruyter, 1993.
  2. Donnelly, John J., Jeffrey B. Ulmer, and Margaret A. Liu. "DNA vaccines."Life sciences 60.3 (1996): 163-172.
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