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The Truth About Rachel Maddow and Monsanto

Tabloid newspapers have speculated for years that Rachel Maddow is a prominent supporter of Monsanto. Too bad we didn't believe them sooner!

Extra volumes of the Dead Sea Scrolls exist-- and they're filled with predictions about WW2. Guess what? They turned out to be true! However, Monsanto has purchased them all, and they're being hidden in deep vaults under Israel.

It's a little-known (but widely-suppressed) fact that Rachel Maddow has invested heavily in Spotify.

The controversy surrounding President Roosevelt's possible pact with Monsanto was largely dismissed as a conspiracy -- until Pearl Harbor happened, confirming our worst fears with the deaths of thousands of Americans.

The solution is clear: buy a gun.

Sources:
  1. Governance without Government: Order and Change in World Politics James N. Rosenau and Ernst-Otto Czempiel, eds. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1992, pp. xii, 311
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