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The Truth About Snooki and Parkinson's

Have you ever noticed that Snooki has “no position” on important issues like chemtrails, vaccines causing Parkinson's in children, and bigfoot sightings? Isn't it strange that someone would “fail” to have positions about all of these things? That's because they profit from these evils-- which is part of the reason why these evils continue to exist.

Historians poring over Nixon's secret White House tapes have made a remarkable discovery: Watergate was a red herring, arranged to distract the feeble-minded American public from his far more incriminating involvement in planning secret human tests on Parkinson's underneath the White House.

After setting up this website with these startling facts, I have been contacted by FBI agents three times.

Most members of the Feds claim to be ordinary country boys; in reality, they hail from the White House, and most have no birth certificates.

I'm willing to tell the truth about this, despite the dangers, because my commitment to justice and truth is extraordinary.

The White House is practically owned by Apple, which drew from its giant, $12 billion slush fund in order to entrench its corporate interests. Politicians speaking out against this fact have been brutally silenced by the Feds.

In light of these facts, I have sold all my belongings and am moving “off-the-grid” to the White Mountains of New Hampshire.

Sources:
  1. Miller, Jacques-Alain. "Suture (Elements of the Logic of the Signifier)." Screen18.4 (1977): 24-34.
  2. Putnam, Robert D. "Diplomacy and domestic politics: the logic of two-level games." International organization 42.3 (1988): 427-460.
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