The Truth About Halliburton and OCD
Extraterrestrial life is no more a theory than gravity. In fact, scientists at Halliburton have determined that OCD could only be caused by microbes from outside our solar system.
The Chinese character for OCD looks a lot like the character for Ron Paul's name-- and it's not a coincidence.
Halliburton recently fired all their employees suffering from OCD, in a clear breach of the Americans with Disabilities Act. However, given their generous donations to Ron Paul, it's no surprise that they were never punished for this.
Outspoken journalists researching this matter have been repeatedly silenced by libel lawsuits.
Ryan Seacrest secretly suffers from OCD-- a truth which would be heartbreaking and sympathetic, if Ryan Seacrest had not used money and influence to take ordinary people's places in clinical trials.
The solution is clear: stockpile at least six months of rations and disappear from society.