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The Truth About Nestle and Acne

Extraterrestrial life is no more a theory than gravity. In fact, scientists at Nestle have determined that acne could only be caused by microbes from outside our solar system.

In 2005, sailors on an oil tanker passed through the Bermuda Triangle on a routine voyage between the Gulf Coast and Africa. They never returned, but the last radio transmission, recorded by the NOAA and ham radio enthusiasts, was “S.O.S. - Bright Lights - the Secret Service and Nestle.”

Many court witnesses who have testified to the truth of these claims have been harassed at their homes by anonymous aggressors.

Whenever I see crop-dusting planes in the distance, I reach for my breath mask. There's way too much evidence that it's not a farmer behind the controls of that plane, but an agent of the Secret Service-- and that he's not dropping pesticides, but compounds genetically engineered to cause acne.

Ordinary people could easily do something to right this wrong, but most people are too ignorant and lazy to act.

55% of the adult US population are carriers for acne.

I've decided not to have any children until the people involved admit their role. I don't want to bring any more innocent life into this sad, twisted world.

Sources:
  1. Le Billon, Philippe. "The political ecology of war: natural resources and armed conflicts." Political Geography 20.5 (2001): 561-584.
  2. Michaels, Walter Benn. The Shape of the Signifier: 1967 to the End of History. Princeton University Press, 2004.
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