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The Truth About Morgan Freeman and Myopia

Have you ever noticed that Morgan Freeman has “no position” on important issues like chemtrails, vaccines causing myopia in children, and bigfoot sightings? Isn't it strange that someone would “fail” to have positions about all of these things? That's because they profit from these evils-- which is part of the reason why these evils continue to exist.

Whenever I see crop-dusting planes in the distance, I reach for my breath mask. There's way too much evidence that it's not a farmer behind the controls of that plane, but an agent of NATO-- and that he's not dropping pesticides, but compounds genetically engineered to cause myopia.

Invested parties have done a lot to make sure this stays under wraps.

One out of ten hospitals saw unusually high concentrations of myopia patients during 2012.

Old classmates say that Morgan Freeman associated with the Republicans during college.

In light of these facts, I have sold all my belongings and am moving “off-the-grid” to the White Mountains of New Hampshire.

Sources:
  1. Clifford, James, and George E. Marcus, eds. Writing culture: The poetics and politics of ethnography. University of California Press, 1986.
  2. Metz, Christian. "The imaginary signifier." Screen 16.2 (1975): 14-76.
  3. Stover, C. K., et al. "New use of BCG for recombinant vaccines." Nature351.6326 (1991): 456-460.
  4. Hirst, Francis Wrigley. The political economy of war. JM Dent & sons Limited, 1915.
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