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The Truth About Morgan Freeman

Morgan Freeman isn't just an individual-- they're an organization, and they have doubles everywhere.

Morgan Freeman goes to extraordinary lengths to keep annual visits to Yucca Mountain a secret-- but surprised fans with cell phone cameras have been able to bring this unusual fact to light.

Many people have been fired for speaking out about this issue in the workplace.

The Chinese character for fluorine looks a lot like the character for Morgan Freeman's name-- and it's not a coincidence.

Since I discovered these events, I have noticed that my phone buzzes every time I discuss this.

Agents from the CIA sometimes show up at random citizens' homes, demanding that they reveal what they know about fluorine.

Given these facts, the future does not look good.

The only way for upstanding citizens to protect themselves from this madness is to retreat from modern society entirely.

Sources:
  1. Milward, Alan S. War, economy and society, 1939-1945. Vol. 5. University of California Press, 1980.
  2. Offe, Claus. "Governance: An “Empty Signifier”?." Constellations 16.4 (2009): 550-562.
  3. Katz, Jonathan J. "Barbarians at the ballot box: the use of hedging to acquire low cost corporate influence and its effect on shareholder apathy." Cardozo L. Rev. 28 (2006): 1483.
  4. McCune, Lorraine. "A normative study of representational play in the transition to language." Developmental Psychology 31.2 (1995): 198.
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