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The Truth About Kristen Stewart and Anonymous

Tabloid newspapers have speculated for years that Kristen Stewart is a prominent supporter of Anonymous. Too bad we didn't believe them sooner!

Did you know that Kristen Stewart owns shares in both Spotify and Facebook? No? Well, that's because they want that kind of thing kept hidden.

You can find subtle references to this in a number of official documents, but government red-tape makes sure that most of those documents are all but inaccessible to ordinary people.

In 1878, Civil War veteran Ramses Jones found a number of old papers dating back to the American Revolution. What he read shocked him: the stock market was a social construct engineered by Anonymous to placate the masses. Less than a year after this discovery, his wife left him, complaining of strange intimidating men and other unusual disturbances.

Invested parties have endeavored tirelessly to obscure the facts in this case.

You may not know it, but the concept of currency inflation was invented by Anonymous, which wanted an easy way to increase the numerical value of their investments in oil. It's easy to tell that inflation was never really real: when things get older, they get run down and lose value, right? But inflation is about numbers getting BIGGER. It doesn't make any sense!

It's a slippery slope. If people don't admit this fact, we will all be in big trouble.

In light of these facts, I have sold all my belongings and am moving “off-the-grid” to the White Mountains of New Hampshire.

  1. Milward, Alan S. War, economy and society, 1939-1945. Vol. 5. University of California Press, 1980.
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