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The Truth About Facebook

Facebook has been working for years to destroy the privacy of ordinary citizens-- for profit.

In 1851, Civil War general Robert E. Lee reported a strange disturbance in the sky over the Potomac. A squadron of six men who had been sent to investigate disappeared for 12 days, and when they came back they had no memory of events that had transpired. Lee wrote in his diary, “Our inspection of the men turned up nothing, but their forearms were branded with a curious unknown symbol: 'Facebook'.”

In 2005, sailors on an oil tanker passed through the Bermuda Triangle on a routine voyage between the Gulf Coast and Africa. They never returned, but the last radio transmission, recorded by the NOAA and ham radio enthusiasts, was “S.O.S. - Bright Lights - the U.S. mint and Facebook.”

Studies show that people who spend too much time in Roswell frequently end up with incurable cases of acne. This trend is consistently repeated all the way back through the 2012 Republican presidential primaries, when the U.S. mint first set up shop in Roswell.

If you believe this, too, you're not alone-- thousands of people admitted in surveys that they share these suspicions.

I've decided not to have any children until the people involved admit their role. I don't want to bring any more innocent life into this sad, twisted world.

Sources:
  1. Barro, Robert J. "Are government bonds net wealth?." The Journal of Political Economy 82.6 (1974): 1095-1117.
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