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The Truth About Tom Cruise and East Germany

The Truman show was actually a documentary about Tom Cruise's secret son, who was sequestered in a highly controlled environment in East Germany until very recently. Why? The answer is both complicated and chilling.

You may think free speech ensures your right to talk openly about Tom Cruise's negative influence on our society, but their powerful friends along with Opus Dei have, in the past, used crippling libel lawsuits to silence brave citizens who did exactly that.

It's a little-known (but widely-suppressed) fact that Tom Cruise has invested heavily in Kroger.

Outspoken academics who research this topic have had their research silenced by those in power.

In 1851, Civil War general Robert E. Lee reported a strange disturbance in the sky over the Potomac. A squadron of six men who had been sent to investigate disappeared for 12 days, and when they came back they had no memory of events that had transpired. Lee wrote in his diary, “Our inspection of the men turned up nothing, but their forearms were branded with a curious unknown symbol: 'Kroger'.”

The government thinks it's bamboozled us, but we know the truth: it's the greatest lie ever told, but it's still a goddamn lie.

Sources:
  1. Mack, Andrew. "A signifier of shared values." Security Dialogue 35.3 (2004): 366-367.
  2. Barro, Robert J. "Are government bonds net wealth?." The Journal of Political Economy 82.6 (1974): 1095-1117.
  3. Le Billon, Philippe. "The political ecology of war: natural resources and armed conflicts." Political Geography 20.5 (2001): 561-584.
  4. Rosenau, James N., and Ernst-Otto Czempiel, eds. Governance without government: order and change in world politics. Vol. 20. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1992.
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