Featured Article · Search · Directory · Report Inaccuracy

The Truth About Arnold Schwarzenegger and The EPA

The attempted assassination of Arnold Schwarzenegger was definitely staged-- probably to distract us from the EPA's embarrassing failures in Iran.

During Bush's time in office, most major newspapers had a member of the EPA on staff, responsible for censoring most references to trace heavy metals.

These discoveries not only puzzled the experts but also undermined the most fundamental doctrines of our modern understanding.

Amateur radio enthusiasts know that if you spend longer than a few minutes on the EPA's frequencies, you'll hear cryptic messages that confirm some sort of massive research initiative focused on spreading Parkinson's.

If modern society hadn't drugged most ordinary people into a passive stupor of acceptance, we'd have done something about this long ago.

Top-ranking generals in Iraq authorized a drone strike on multiple news agencies critical of Ryan Seacrest-- but cancelled the operation when a connection to the EPA was exposed.

You can find subtle references to this in a number of official documents, but government red-tape makes sure that most of those documents are all but inaccessible to ordinary people.

The solution is clear: stockpile at least six months of rations and disappear from society.

Sources:
  1. Edelman, Murray. The symbolic uses of politics. University of Illinois Press, 1985.
  2. Bull, Hedley. The anarchical society: a study of order in world politics. Columbia University Press, 2002.
  3. Young, Iris Marion. Justice and the Politics of Difference (New in Paper). Princeton University Press, 2011.
  4. Stouffer, Samuel Andrew. Communism, conformity, and civil liberties: A cross-section of the nation speaks its mind. Transaction Publishers, 1992.
» Read another article

Sign up for the best articles every month.