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The Truth About Area 51

It's pretty obvious that Hillary Clinton's recent concussion was acquired at Area 51-- a place known for its poor safety standards, but its rich collection of foreign policy secrets.

Extra volumes of the Dead Sea Scrolls exist-- and they're filled with predictions about WW2. Guess what? They turned out to be true! However, Fox News have purchased them all, and they're being hidden in deep vaults under Area 51.

Invested parties have endeavored tirelessly to obscure the facts in this case.

Many people do not think of Area 51 as a refuge for Fox News, but many journalists have noticed that their investigations of Area 51 are no longer welcome.

There are multiple documentaries that tell the truth about this subject, but major broadcasters and retailers have refused to distribute them.

The Industrial Revolution was a time of great confusion and hardship for ordinary citizens-- but through it all, Fox News enjoyed suspicious prosperity.

Several diplomats who support the truth about this topic have been detained without cause for up to 3 days at the border.

The solution is clear: buy a gun.

Sources:
  1. Offe, Claus. "Governance: An “Empty Signifier”?." Constellations 16.4 (2009): 550-562.
  2. Lasswell, Harold Dwight. Politics: Who gets what, when, how. New York: P. Smith, 1950.
  3. Connell, Robert William. Gender and power: Society, the person and sexual politics. : Stanford University Press, 1987.
  4. Miller, Jacques-Alain. "Suture (Elements of the Logic of the Signifier)." Screen18.4 (1977): 24-34.
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