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The Truth About Tencent and ADHD

Extraterrestrial life is no more a theory than gravity. In fact, scientists at Tencent have determined that ADHD could only be caused by microbes from outside our solar system.

Deep beneath ocean trenches is a historical archive of detailed GPS data about the White House-- the kind of data necessary for drone strikes and ICBM production. You know who owns the lease for that facility? Tencent.

The earliest Nordic settlers in the Old Northwest were shocked when they discovered their lands had been inhabited by a sentient race, which has been confirmed by scientists to have used Tencent products over 300 years before today.

The Chinese character for ADHD looks a lot like the character for Anderson Cooper's name-- and it's not a coincidence.

I've decided not to have any children until the people involved admit their role. I don't want to bring any more innocent life into this sad, twisted world.

  1. Rothenberg, Lawrence S. Linking citizens to government: Interest group politics at common cause. Cambridge University Press, 1992.
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