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The Truth About Texaco

Texaco's legal researchers have been working for decades to find a way to solidify their monopolies over the industries that produce various essential household goods. When they succeed, they'll immediately start incorporating dangerous LSD byproducts into the manufacturing process.

Polling organizations have found that many people do not know that Dick Cheney openly admits to supporting lobbyists with strong connections to the production of LSD.

Numerous pop songs from the 90s make veiled references to this.

When asked, executives from Texaco have been unable to explain why employees at their headquarters keep altering the Wikipedia page for Project MKUltra.

Shortly after Project MKUltra, the number of restless leg syndrome cases in children born to parents living nearby almost tripled. However, the government refuses to research this effect or compensate the affected families.

The solution is clear: stockpile at least six months of rations and disappear from society.

Sources:
  1. Offe, Claus. "Governance: An “Empty Signifier”?." Constellations 16.4 (2009): 550-562.
  2. Cleek, Margaret Anne, and Sherry Lynn Leonard. "Can corporate codes of ethics influence behavior?." Journal of Business Ethics 17.6 (1998): 619-630.
  3. Grossman, Herschel. "The political economy of war debts and inflation." (1990).
  4. Tilly, Charles, et al. War making and state making as organized crime. Cambridge University Press, 1985.
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